Here is what happened, here is what I learned, and here is what I do differently now.

This blog is a small collection of lessons I learned from the worst leaders I have had along my journey in healthcare.

The bosses, managers, and authority figures who taught me exactly what not to do.

I will share two examples of how I turned challenging relationships and experiences into growth, clear boundaries, and clarity about the kind of person that I want to be.

PS.  You don’t have to be in a formal leadership position to be a leader…

it is all in how you show up for those around you!

#1 The Boundary Pusher

Very early in my career I found myself in a role where I was responsible for individuals who were not physically capable of advocating for or ultimately protecting themselves. This easily became one of my most favorite roles, outside of the fact that I had to work for an extremely challenging boss we will refer to as “Ivana Boundarypush.” Requests were frequently made by Ivana to have me to complete her personal tasks, pick up her lunch, drop her mail off at the post office, and be her designated driver at work functions. She often asked me to stay late so she could go home early and essentially cover-up some pretty horrific lies she had created. I was very young, and in my early 20s, this was my first official leadership role. The craving to belong and be accepted into the leadership group was strong at this point in my career. I was frequently told to fire individuals without warning or coaching and even asked to change my style of dress to “wear my hair down more often” or “consider high heels”.

What I learned:

I learned to listen to my gut and my instinct. I quickly realized the power in saying, “No, that feels outside of my comfort level”, and “No, I am not willing to compromise my personal values to do that.” I found out that, believe it or not, “No” was a complete sentence. I realized that when my inner voice is telling me something is off, I need to listen to it. I needed to put myself first and make sure what I was doing felt aligned with who I am as a person. I also realized the power in standing up for those who were not being considered or taken care of. It is ok, and even necessary, to stand up for what is right vs. taking the easy road of feeling accepted. I learned that “this is how it’s always been” is not how it has to be in the future. Boundaries aren’t about telling someone what they need to do to make you happy or comfortable. Boundaries are about saying, “When this happens, I won’t be taking part in it.” It is about removing yourself from places and positions that do not align with your values and principles. Needless to say, I did not stay in that position very long, and luckily, thanks to sending my concerns down the chain, neither did Ivana.

#2 Jekyll and Hyde

Midway through my career, I took a position that had me working under someone that I felt would be a dream to work with. I quickly realized that is would be more of a nightmare. For the sake of privacy, we will refer to this leader as “Noah Followthru”. Noah was everyone’s favorite leader. He seemed genuine and caring when in front of others; however, I quickly realized he was quite the opposite behind the scenes. He would frequently talk about the power of coaching and supporting others and then quickly cut me off in 1:1 discussion. He would often minimize me in our coaching sessions, sharing statements like, “Do you ever stop asking questions?” His go-to tagline behind the scenes was, “Sometimes you just have to tell people what they want to hear.” The Jekyll and Hyde persona was stressful and exhausting to keep up with. He would often encourage me to ask questions of others and “pretend you don’t know there is an issue or challenge”, which would often compromise one of my strongest personal values of integrity.

What I Learned:

You have to ask for what you need even when it is hard. I practiced assertive statements and brought them into conversations when it felt heated. Statements like, “I don’t feel as though I am being heard,” and “Time out--something feels off, can we talk about it?” I utilized neutral third party individuals to help be a part of difficult discussions so that I could feel heard and ultimately help me advocate for what I needed. These conversations were not comfortable by any means but assured that I had space to openly share my thoughts and my concerns. I realized how I never wanted to make someone else feel small. I never wanted to make someone feel like they didn’t have a voice at the table. Because of Noah, I have personally realized my need to “create a soft place to land” for others, and I will not settle for anything less than that from leaders and coworkers. Everyone wants to feel seen and heard or they will leave. Our patients, the individuals that we work every day, and our family at home deserve the best of us, not what is left of us.

As the new year begins, I want to express gratitude for the handful of unforgettable “leadership role models” (and by unforgettable, I mean I am still decompressing) that I shared above.

Thanks to them, I am entering a new year with a crystal-clear list of what NOT to do when working with others.

So, here’s to 2026: New goals, healthier boundaries, asking for what you need,

and creating a personal leadership style that looks nothing like theirs!

Reminder:  You don’t have to be in a formal leadership position to be a leader…

it is all in how you show up for those around you!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Erin Smital, RN, Nursing Professional Development Educator, Nurse Residency Coordinator and Lean Residency Coordinator Along with being an RN, Erin brings forward years of experience in various leadership roles in and out of healthcare. In addition to developing and presenting numerous leadership and nursing focused workshops, she also provides training in de-escalation as a Certified Non-Violent Crisis Intervention Instructor.